List of Funny Short Jokes

Looking for some simple, yet funny jokes? Here is a list to get you started!

What should you do when you come across a lawyer buried up to his/her neck in sand? –
Grab a bunch more sand and finish the job.

How come oysters never donate to charity?
Because they are shellfish.

Did ya hear about the snail that walked into the bar? He was kicked out due to the policy of having snails in the bar. A few months later he comes by once again and asks the bartender, “What was that for!?”

Person #1: Where is the English Channel?
Person #2: I’m not sure. We don’t get it on our TV.

Husband: After I leave, you won’t ever find another man like me!
Wife: And why would I want another man like you?!

What do you call someone who is born in Cleveland, grows up in Cincinnati, and dies in Columbus?
Dead.

What should you do when you see your husband staggering?
Shoot him again.

A police officer stops a man and asks him for his license.
Officer: It says that you need to be wearing glasses.
Man: Well, I do have contacts.
Officer: I could care less who you know! You’re still getting a ticket!

What’s the difference between a politician and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks the blood out of people at night.

Two snowmen are standing next to one another. One asks the other, “Hey, is it just me, or do you smell carrots, too?”

What did the talking hat say to the scarf?
“You can hang around. I’ll just go on ahead.”

An injured dog limps into a bar on three legs, and says, “I’m lookin’ for the guy who shot my paw!”

Two cannibals are sitting around eating a clown. The first turns to the second and asks, “Does this food taste funny to you?!”