List Of Humorous One Liner Jokes

Here are a bunch of funny one line jokes and quotes. They are easy to remember, so be sure to share them with others!

Light travels more quickly than sound, which is why some people appear to be bright until you finally hear them speak.

Have you heard about the new “Divorce Barbie”?
It comes complete with all of Ken's stuff.

What is long, hard, and full of seamen?
A submarine.

An optimist is an individual who falls off the top of the Empire State Building and says, after fifty floors, “So far, so good!”

The word “politics” is made up of “poli”, which is Latin for “many”, and “tics”, as in “bloodsucking insects.”
Why is that whenever something is transported by car, it's called a “shipment”, but when something is transported by ship, it's called “cargo”?
Isn't Disneyland a trap for people run by a mouse?
If everything seems to be going well in life, you're probably overlooking something.

• Light Bulb Jokes:

How many paranoid people does it take to change a light bulb?
OMG! Who wants to know!? Who's asking questions!?

How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it, and another two change it right back again.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one. But the light bulb must REALLY want to change.

How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?
One. All it takes is one to get under your feet and cause you to trip as you're changing it.

• Confucius say jokes

Confucius say:
Man who runs in front of truck gets tired.
Man who walks behind car gets exhausted.
Man standing on top of toilet is high on pot.
Man who lay head on railroad track to listen for train likely to get spelling headache.
War does not determine who is right, war determines who is left.
Man who sneezes without tissue must take matters into own hands.
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.