A List of Rude Short Jokes

Are you brave (or mean) enough to tell rude and offensive jokes? If so, here are a bunch of short ones that will get you started with the process of offending everyone!

Why did Hellen Keller's pet run away? You would too if you were named grrffndddarrffggg.

A guy runs out of the gym exclaiming to his friends, “I think I just lost some weight!”
One of his friends replies, “Turn around, again. I think I found it!”

I bet whenever you go to a zoo you have to purchase two tickets. One to get in and one to get back out.

Man: I'm gonna make you the happiest woman in the entire world!
Woman: Good bye, then!

What is the definition of “egghead”?
It's what Mrs. Humpty Dumpty gives to Mr. Humpty Dumpty.
What do UFO's and honest politicians have in common?
They're both rumored to exist, yet there is no evidence.

What's the difference between a trampoline and a lawyer?
People feel the need to take their shoes off before jumping on a trampoline.

What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
Snowballs.

Two fat friends were waiting on a bus. Once it finally arrived, one turned to the other and asked, “Today is my day to ride on the bus, isn't it?”

A man comes across a magic genie and finds out that he can have any wish he wants,and that his mother in law gets double of whatever it is he wishes for. “Okay!” he says. “I wish for you to give me ten million dollars and then, afterwards, beat me until I'm half dead!”

What do you call the moisture that forms between two lovers having sex in Kentucky?
Relative humidity.

• You might be a redneck if you:

1. Go to your family reunion to find a date.
2. Make a list of “people you most admire” and Jack Daniels is #1.
3. Still hang on to old Confederate money.
4. Walk to school with your kid because you're in the same grade together.
5. Ask your mom for tips on sneaking beer into sporting events.
6. Consider your dad to be your favorite uncle.