List of SMS Jokes

Looking for some SMS jokes to text to your friends? Here's a bunch of them for you to choose from!
These are funny one liners and humorous quotes that you can share with your friends.

• For girls:
  
  How do save a guy when he's drowning?
  Take your foot off his head.
  
  How do guys and batteries differ?
  Batteries have a positive side.
  
  What's the difference between a messy room and a man?
  You can always straighten up a messy room.
  
  What do you call a redneck chauvinistic pig?
  A man who thinks “harass” is 2 words.
  
  Why do guys chase after women that they never plan to marry?
  For the same reason that dogs chase after cars they never plan to drive.
  
  What do you call a man with handcuffs on?
  Trustworthy.

• For guys:
  Did ya hear about the man who finally figured out women?
  He ended up dying from laughter before he could tell anyone else.
  
  If your wife is outside yelling for you to open the front door, and your dog is barking from wanting in from the back door, who do you let in first?
  The dog. He'll shut up the second you let him in.
  
  I married Ms. Right. I only just realized that her first name is “Always”.
  
  How come Hellen Keller was never able to drive?
  Because she was a woman.
  
  What's the difference between a woman with pms and a terrorist?
  A terrorist is easier to negotiate with.
  
  Why are women like laxatives?
  Because they both can irritate the crap out of you.
• Funny regular SMS, text messaging jokes, and insults:
  
  You know how they say that “crime never pays”? I take that to mean that my job must be a crime.
  
  What was Tigger doing with his head stuck down in the toilet? He was searching for Pooh!
  
  Three monkeys escaped from a zoo. The first was caught watching television, the second was caught at a playground, and the third was caught reading this message.
  
  This message was supposed to have been sent to someone amazing and gorgeous. Sorry that we mistakenly sent it to you. We apologize for the inconvenience.
  
  Hello, this is your mobile device speaking. There really isn't any problem, I simply needed some fresh air. Everything smells horrible from within your pocket.